Until now, I have dropped my thoughts about life after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are finished with earthlings into the mental file cabinet that contains Big Questions such as “Dinnertime, yet?” and ” I Wa-Wa-Wa- Wonder Where She’ll Stay, My Little Runaway”. After reading a couple of modern post- apocalyptic heavy-hitters (The Dog Stars by Peter Heller, Station 11 by Emily St. John Mandel) as well as genre classics from 1959 and 1960 (Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank and Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter Miller), I understand that you don’t need to be a Doomsday Prepper to see that a warrior/builder caste will have an edge when the End of Days is upon us. I’m talking to you, ladies. Take a look at my Tank Girl–a British comic book character circa 1990. Men seem to be loners who fight off the bad guys and get sentimental about pre-apocalyptic life when a guy could own the tv remote and count on regular sex with a woman who bathed.
I’m a certified Baby Boomer who knows that a nuclear attack or pandemic requires me to stick my head under a third grade desk, shut my eyes tight and I’ll be just fine. However, I am worried about my friends. I have two that might make it and I’m using fake names to avoid the kind of trouble that Warrior/ Builders inflict when angry: Smart Kid, a millennial who rebuilt a vintage Volkswagen van (’nuff said), and Deceptively Blond who has committed to a life on the high seas aboard a a 52-foot-catamaran with her husband and two aging Shar Peis. She’ll be leaving in the middle of the 2016 ( Year 14,112 in Dog Years and post apocalyptic time) presidential elections which is brilliant timing. Pippa and Baxter could be assets similar to the dog named Blood in the gruesome but great Harlan Ellison post apocalyptic novella A Boy and His Dog (1969) and Jasper in The Dog Stars. Or not.
My son K. and girlfriend K. have survival skills, but live in an apartment building full of elderly French Canadians, a very tough crowd to muscle.
Here is a checklist for the rest of us:
- Own a working can opener. (Yes, that means you, other son K.)
- Have a garage full of canned food or a hoarder relative who really hits the Buy One, Get One (BOGO) specials at the supermarket. This hoarder should be close enough to walk/fight your way to him/her. When I say fight, think of the movie Mad Max: Fury Road which is another good post-apocalyptic story. Ten years into the New World, some of the less savory vegetables should be working their way to the top of the food pyramid. So when store brand okra is the dinner of the day, it may be time to swap from the hunter-gatherer skill set to an agrarian way of life. Loot your public library for Martha Stewart Gardening Guides or old copies of Mother Earth News. I think they’ll still be there.
- Have a mental shopping list for pillaging the local pharmacy. I have the list but my store moved a mile away across a busy intersection and my fighting skills and knowledge of the internal combustion engine–when my Big Mami SUV dies–aren’t enough to get me there and back.
- A good journaling technique so that when civilization rebuilds itself complete with mutations and ESP, my blog will be famous for offering the advice that saved humankind.
This is a brief list and I hope you’ll add to it. Just remember that The Walking Dead and Hunger Games are post apocalyptic lite fare and not much help when when s*** really happens.
If you notice ,quite a few people are”practicing” for the post-apocalyptic world.
What am I referring to?The desperate need to carry bottled water everywhere! You can’t go anywhere without seeing people desperately slurping their water from little plastic bottles, hoarding even the smallest sips as though none is available any where they may venture. Get ready to upend your rears at the nearest watering hole and hope that you’re a lion and not a sheep.
That’s funny! Bottled water will really seem like luxury or affectation in the Brave New World.
Swiss Army knives have a decent can opener as well as a host of other handy items.
Prepping is more than stockpiling, experience is something more useful than Martha Stewart or any other general gardening guides. If you live,for example, in South Florida, their advice would have you waiting for the last frost(whatever that is) to plant your crops, when they’ll be just getting ready to set fruit when the summer heat kills them. There are a number of locally oriented tomes that are a good starting point. It’s much better to have several years of growing experience as well as a stockpile of seeds.
It would be better to start planting as soon as weather permits and save those canned goods for when the crops fail. Even better, if possible, is to have a yard full of plants and a pantry full of preserved food. And compost,you won’t have store bought fertilizer.
And a well with a hand pump as well as a rainwater catchment system
Ethnobotanical studies will help you to identify edible, medicinal, fiber, and other useful plants such as bamboo and bottle gourds. You will be “Going Native”.
Boy, that sounds grim! I’m not really prepared to do without bottled water (see another post) so I’m afraid I’ll be looting people in the know. Be warned!
like very much. very impressed
Thank you!